not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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