sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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