Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
