the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
