So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
