You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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