I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
