Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
