how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
