I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
