Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My feet surprised me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
