So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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