i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
