Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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