Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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