why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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