It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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