sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Your penis caused this!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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