In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He better not be in your backpack
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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