Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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