I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
