You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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