All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
