I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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