I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
