we made out on top of his cat.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
