Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Randomize
