the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
