Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
