Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
