Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
