wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
