The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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