Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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