You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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