Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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