Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
