i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
