An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
