are you still at the devil's house?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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