omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
