i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I want to make a zoo with you.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
