I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
how does that bad decision feel?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
