that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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