He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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