just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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