Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just invented taco cereal.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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