He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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