I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
