Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
