i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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