i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
