Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
