Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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