You're my little dorito
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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