Define "chronic" masturbator.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
