There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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