lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
