She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
