he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
