I got chris browned last night
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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