when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Shame - the story of my life.
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